My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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