I just threw up on my dentist
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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