On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I supernannyed him into submission
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
