i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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