I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
