Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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