hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she looked like the before picture.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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