i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
