Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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