goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
