if you like me you must not know who I am
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
