she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He has the fingertips of a God
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