I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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