He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
