My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
