i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
