Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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