mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
