My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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