Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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