I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
...so i touched it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
