paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
