Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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