there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
