he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
