there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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