nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize