Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.