good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
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Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
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I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.