just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the day after is always just damage control
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
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Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary