they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
