my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.