I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms