Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.