I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
