Why is your signature on my underwear?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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