Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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