Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
