4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just high enough for therapy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
