He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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