Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
