i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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