I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
