She's JV to your varsity
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
