It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
