I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
