sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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