He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
