There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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