well you can't waste a boner
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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