I just saw a hot homeless man
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
