Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
