im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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