Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
