Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
