Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
