so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
