mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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