Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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