My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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