My Higher Power is John Stamos
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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