i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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