Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
