Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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