Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
