This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we're making bets on your personal life
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
