Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
