...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
