I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
