I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
