Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
