apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
