Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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