i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
