toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
